25 More Funny Tweets About Marriage

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mattstaff
Dec 31, 2018 8:00 PM EST

Marriage counselors say that you should always take responsibility for what you do in your significant other's dreams. 

Take a look at some more Funny Tweets here. 

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  • 01
    Text - eric @ericsshadow Get ready for marriage by asking your girlfriend/boyfriend to make you a fruit smoothie, then get mad that you can't hear the TV while they're making you a fruit smoothie. 2:37 PM - Feb 25, 2018 263 58 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 02
    Text - James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn [cleaning out our bedroom] Me: Half of this stuff is junk we don't need. Wife: The other half is mine. 11:52 AM - Mar 4, 2018 5,858 498 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 03
    Text - The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian Always be tolerant of your wife's flaws because if she didn't have them, maybe she could have gotten a better husband. 2:16 PM - Dec 19, 2017 2,133 753 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 04
    Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland My wife cleaned the house all day and now we have to go live in a hotel 7:43 PM - Mar 5, 2018 133 people are talking about this 843
    via Twitter
  • 05
    Text - Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat [struggling to hold on to 17 boxes of Girl Scout cookies] Husband: Why so many? Me: Well, the Samoa box is for you & the rest are for me. 2:12 PM Feb 26, 2017 156 90 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 06
    Text - The Untastic Mr. Fitz @UnFitz [young couple Her: I love your manly scent [married couple] Her: You smell. 10:43 AM - Feb 7, 2018 224 108 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 07
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes Me: the book is so much better Wife [pauses Shrek 3]: can you stop interrupting every 2 minutes 8:37 PM -Mar 16, 2017 972 people are talking about this 3,399
    via Twitter
  • 08
    Text - James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Wife: *trying to open a can of tuna* Our can opener is broken Me: So it's a can't opener? Wife: I can't believe I married you 7:12 PM - Jun 1, 2017 8,756 people are talking about this 22.6K
    via Twitter
  • 09
    Text - Rodney Lacroix @moooo0og35 Me: Hey honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? Wife: You have legs. Get it yourself. Me: Our love story should be made into a movie. 6:45 AM - Feb 14, 2018 151 44 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 10
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie wife: I told you not to wear it in the shower me [holding a soggy Burger King crown] I don't need a lecture right now 6:19 PM - Jun 27, 2017 3,5211,408 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 11
    Text - Mr. Hook @Phook75 Being a husband is understanding that you can and will get into trouble for something you said in your wife's dream 6:23 PM - Feb 19, 2018 386 160 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 12
    Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know. 10:09 PM - Jan 20, 2017 1,876 654 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 13
    Text - Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn tosses bath towel on hotel floor [text from wife at home] "Pick that up." 10:59 PM - Aug 1, 2017 1,763 794 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 14
    Text - Grant Tanaka @GrantTanaka me: honey you need to embrace your flaws wife: ok [hugs me] 5:27 PM - Aug 16, 2017 446 people are talking about this 942
    via Twitter
  • 15
    Text - Boyd's Backyard TM @TheBoydP Relationship status: I explained every episode of a Netflix series to my wife after she said she didn't want to watch it with me. 10:55 AM - Mar 4, 2018 880 367 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 16
    Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes. 8:57 AM - Jul 28, 2017 2,096 people are talking about this 6,196
    via Twitter
  • 17
    Text - Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom I don't even know the difference between a crockpot and an instapot and they're still letting me keep my husband and children 9:50 AM - Feb 27, 2018 486 90 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 18
    Text - Cameron Esposito @cameronesposito i married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored 1:34 AM - Feb 7, 2018 1,583 people are talking about this 15.9K
    via Twitter
  • 19
    Text - Jersey @better_off_dad Only marriage can turn a missing spatula into an act of war. 7:25 PM - Oct 14, 2017 983 517 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 20
    Text - M@thew @TweetPotato314 [Argument at family dinner] Wife: "Whispers to me* Don't start taking sides this time Me: Why not? "sliding roast potatoes in pocket They're too busy yelling to notice 7:15 AM - Mar 7, 2018 3,325 835 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 21
    Text - SpacedMom @copymama Me from my coffin to my husband: "Did you take out the recycling?" 7:52 PM -Mar 7, 2018 179 52 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 22
    Text - Myrrh @ixix82 The secret to a lasting marriage is knowing no one else would put up with your bullshit 8:36 AM - Jun 24, 2017 701 333 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 23
    Text - Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie 5:31 PM - Jun 1, 2017 2,061 960 people are talking about this
    via Twitter
  • 24
    Text - not the WORST mom @nottheworstmom My husband just cancelled the plans we'd made for tonight without talking to me first and I've honestly never been more turned on in my life. 7:54 PM - Mar 2, 2018 26 people are talking about this 144
    via Twitter
  • 25
    Text - Kent Graham @KentWGraham What makes marriage so different from being single is that when you need emotional support, you have someone right there to tell you to stop talking during their favorite show. 5:44 AM -Mar 1, 2018 1,166 464 people are talking about this COE
    via Twitter

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